Monthly Archives: January 2009

The Shadow of Avarice

For as long as I’ve been conscious of my surroundings, American culture has been one of greed. In fact, I think it safe to say that if Dante’s’ hell does exist, most of us will be stopping by the fourth level for at least a short visit. In bed last night, as my mind churned with images of this mess our country has landed in, and how we got there, my thoughts turned to Woodstock (the festival, not the little yellow bird).

Woodstock started out as a corporate venture, as most ventures do. But, as the attendance list grew, so did the ideals behind the concert. It became bigger than business suits and conference rooms, bigger than budget meetings and profit margins. It became bigger than the dollar. The weekend was shared in a spirit of love and peace, and although problems did arise, the attendees took them in gracious stride. They weathered rain, poor sanitary conditions and food shortages all because they wanted to be there, to share in the moment itself.

Fast forward to 1999. Another “Woodstock”, this time–a true echo of its origin’s nature–held at a Superfund site. Corporate sponsors lined up, hands out. Merchandise booths and food vendors descended like hungry vultures, each one charging far too much for the substandard wares they hawked. In the only mirror of the previous festival this paltry approximation could claim, food and water again ran short, as did sanitary provisions. This time, riots broke out. Fires were started. Women were raped. The Gen-X answer to the concert that changed rock and roll was a heinous, violent disaster.

When money becomes the sole motive of any purpose, no matter how innocuous or pure the original intent, a shadow falls. This darkness obscures the way, leaving us to wander in the pitch, hoping the direction in which we point is true. And that’s what has happened to our country. We’ve been staggering around in the blackness of avarice, surrounded by the material things we’ve collected, forging for ourselves a vertiginous maze of high end cars, gated communities and the all-mighty–I hate to be forced to say this word–bling.

It is a hard lesson to learn, but a necessary one, one that extends to every aspect of our lives, our hopes. For who among the downtrodden clan of struggling writers has not dreamed of a giant advance, a throng of loyal readers, book signing lines that snake around the block? Hoping for such things is fine, as is attaining them. But, it’s the method by which we go about achieving it, the intent behind our own personal Woodstocks that make the difference. At this critical point in history, where we can learn from our mistakes or doom ourselves to repeat them, we would be better off focusing on what we want out of our work on a personal level, and leave the scrabbling for material achievements to those who enjoy the shadows.


Hope Springs Eternal, and All That

This is my first big recession. Well, the first that directly affected me. When I was a kid, there were those long lines at the gas pumps, but the worst trauma that came out of that was I had to roll around in the Way Back of my Mom’s Ford LTD station wagon and angst over whether or not I would make it back home in time for Kroft Superstars. Then, in 2001, there was a recession, but I didn’t feel that one, either. I was in health care, so there were just as many patients before as after, and my benevolent employer had already told me I wouldn’t be earning any more money with him (yeah, and I stayed two more years), so clearly there was no dent in my raises/bonuses. Since its inception, the Architect’s then business was a constant struggle to keep afloat, making the crunch of hard times feel no different than what he and I had been struggling with for years. But this one–ah, this one–I’m feeling every single second of it. And, yeah, I’m more than a little scared. It goes to figure when we finally decide to be grownups and buy a house and gut the entire thing, everything goes in the shitter two months later. Sometimes when I think of it, I even feel a little sorry for myself. Then, I think of Nana.

Nana was my great-grandmother. When I was old enough to appreciate her, she was already pushing ninety, and was a self-proclaimed, “Wheezy, woozy, wobbly old bitch.” Nana was born before the turn of the century–not this past one, but the one that used to sound so impressive to young ears. Nana survived two world wars, a depression, the early death of her husband, and rebounded from loss of a breast to cancer in a time when the odds of surviving were clearly out of her favor (and reconstructive surgery was a laughable proposition). She watched one son go to war, and a son-in-law follow. She worked as a telephone operator, and still managed to bake two pies and a cake every week for her family. She saw it all, from the highest of highs, to the lowest of lows. And when my thoughts turn to Nana, I think to myself that if that old bitch could weather rough seas, then so can this young one.

Every generation has its tale of woe. From World War II, to Vietnam, to right now. It’s only natural that if one lives long enough, one will see hard times, along with the good. So, instead of wishing it wouldn’t happen, I will instead wish that we each live long enough to see the bad, and then live long enough to watch our country climb back to the top.

On a related topic (and the tinfoil-hat-type living inside me is shouting that it’s still too early to celebrate), tomorrow is the day when change comes. If I were to allocate my excitement, it would be 35% for the new guy, and 65% for the fact the other one will be gone for good. I’d post this tomorrow (when the inner foil-head girl will finally be silenced–about this topic, anyway), but I’m planning on parking my ass on the sofa and watching the changing of the guards in real-time. It’s the first time I’ll have ever bothered to watch the festivities, so you can guess just how excited I really am for the changeover to occur.

Below is my celebration song (no actual video content, sorry). I have waited a long, long time to play it. If you’re less than enthused about the coming changeover (or offended by Bad Words), skip it.

The lyrics (for those of you that don’t understand metal-speak):

http://widgets.metrolyrics.com/o/492da13d111f5ab4/4974a72c2d2531d5/492da13d46e17ea3/a99aaa8a/-cpid/af86328e8ff7d143

Ministry Lyrics
The Last Sucker Lyrics


Just So We’re All Clear

A short, yet illuminating video** (because I’m too lazy to write anything useful today):

Oh, and taking a chance on any of the thousands of new writers with zero credentials, but mind-blowing novels–now THAT’S
Photobucket

**Thanks again to my personal, internet-scouring evil flying monkey, “X” for finding this video


Back–and as Always, in Black

I departed sunny Florida on Sunday, the fourth, leaving behind a huge, four-bedroom house, a hot tub, fully functional indoor climate control, and some of the prettiest, sunniest days I have ever witnessed. I arrived back on the good ol’ Eastern Shore fifteen hours later, and haven’t seen the sun since. It’s been rainy, drizzly and cold. The wind blew so hard while we were gone that bits of our exposed insulation popped out of the studs. Currently, the rain is pinging against the vent pipe of the pellet stove, reminding me with every drop that I’m not in Oz, anymore. Still, I’m happy. My low ceilings feel cozy and snug compared to the soaring ten, twelve foot ceilings in my brother-in-law’s house. My trailer-width living room glows softly with the combined ambiance of the firelight and red-lighted Christmas tree–no, I haven’t taken it down, yet. My books, stacked up in piles as they are, are a welcome sight after spending a week in a house where the only books to be found were on a tiny kids’ shelf, and another private collection consisting of only James Patterson novels.

Don’t get me wrong. I had fun down there. There was horseback riding–something I haven’t done for nearly twenty years. I scuffed the crap out of my combat boots climbing an orange tree to reach a handful of huge, perfectly ripe fruits. I took photographs as my extended family raised a cloud of dust chasing chickens in a vain attempt to get my mother-in-law’s rooster some company. I raided a cigar shop for boxes and came out loaded with many containers which have since solved my desktop organizational issues–one even holds my beloved index cards. On New Year’s Eve I tasted some white lightening, got in the hot tub, and then bore witness to a drunken old man (who, despite my evil inclinations to do otherwise, shall not be named) stripping down to his ultra brief-briefs and climbing in to join me. I think I might be a little mentally scarred from that one, though.

Now I’m back, mercifully without a trace of suntan, and am ready to hit this year full force. I’ll be putting Resonance in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award contest this February. I’m not expecting much to come of it, but one never knows which way the winds might blow. I’ll also be hitting up some more agents in the next few weeks and moving forward with my next two novels. The insane asylum which was my computer room is now much more conducive to creativity–mostly thanks to the Architect, who finished insulation in the attic/loft, so I could move some shit around and make space for more clutter storage.

Despite the persistent gloom outside my windows, I’m in a pretty optimistic mood. My favorite sore point, Captain Jackass, has his days numbered at thirteen, and then we’ll have a brand new sheriff in town. For being such a pessimistic stick-in-the-mud, I’m surprisingly giddy/hopeful about our new administration. Of course, the economy is the big nasty hiding under the bed for all of us, but, the way I figure, even if jobs go away and my house is taken back and everything material goes in the shitter, it’s still just stuff. As long as I have the Architect and my kitties, everything else is just stuff. And I’m pretty sure I can get more of that somewhere along the way.

Yeah. I’m ready to move forward, and I don’t mind sayin’ I’m feelin’ pretty groovy.