Spider, here.
It’s started. Already. I’m gettin’ the calls for St. Patrick’s Day ink requests and I’ll be the only one workin’. Man, I hate that day. Now, don’t go thinking I got a problem with the Irish, or those that think they’re Irish, or those that wish they could think they’re Irish. I don’t. I just don’t wanna have to do any fuckin’ four leaf clovers.
I swear, as soon as New Years is over, every fucker who wants a tat suddenly decides he’s fuckin’ Irish. The closer to March 17, the more likely it is the dude’ll be too pissed to see straight, demanding I give ’em a shamrock on the balls or somethin’. Try tellin’ a drunk fuck you can’t do his ink because his blood’s thin and he’ll bleed all over the fuckin’ floor. The next thing you know, you’re rollin’ on the tiles as the dickhead screams about you denyin’ his heritage. Then, there’s blood on the floor anyways. And it sure as shit ain’t mine. Still don’t make it any more fun to clean up.
I tried switchin’ shifts early this year, but Trey’s already planned to be drunk in anticipation of sitting his black ass down and celebrating his “Irish” heritage proper, and my boss is the one who handed me the shit gig in the first place. So it’s gonna be me and the piercing chick (whatever her name is, piercing chick #7, I guess; they come and go like there’s a revolvin’ door) and I don’t think she’s gonna be much help.
I’m gonna tell ’em they gotta take a breathalyzer test by law and the machine’s broke.
I’m gonna lock the fucking door and make ’em show me what they want before I let ’em in.
I’m gonna tell ’em I’m out of green ink.
Fuck it. I’m gonna do the four leaf clovers. I’m just gonna charge ’em triple. They’ll all be too wasted to notice.
So, call to check my schedule. I’ll give you a discount if you don’t want nothin’ Irish (no shamrocks, no Celtic, druid or pagan crap, no leprechauns, not even one of those ugly ass setter dogs).
If want any of the above, you’d best be ready to pay, and feel some pain.
Now that I’ve got y’all all worked up, Avery wanted me to tell y’all that she’s got some book or nother coming out on Thursday. Tells me it’s got some familiar people in it, whatever that means. I don’t read much, but I guess y’all might. So, there ya go. I told ya about it. You’ve been given official notice, so don’t let her give me shit about it, later.
Hell and Wheels 
January 20th, 2011 at 11:29 pm
There's alot of educated make-believe Irish men out there demanding tats, and don't think that just because you've hidden the green they won't suggest mixing blue and yellow.congrats on that ebook!
January 20th, 2011 at 1:18 pm
Avery, here:Hey, Walking Man! The Kindle version will be up today at 1:20PM (that's east coast time), and on the iBookstore and Barnes and Noble soon after. I'll toss up some links as soon as I get things squared.
January 20th, 2011 at 1:17 pm
Spider, here:Times have changed, man. Times have changed.I'll let Avery handle the rest of that stuff you're talkin' about.
January 20th, 2011 at 10:49 am
Guess it's is a good thing I stopped at 4 shots back in '72 before I got my only tat done then eh Spider?Tell AvDB I said cool. Where this book available at?
January 19th, 2011 at 9:58 pm
Avery, here:Janna — Thanks so much. To say I'm excited is a severe understatement.
January 19th, 2011 at 2:23 am
Res, your voice is so clear and strong!(I can't wait for the book release. Congrats!)
January 18th, 2011 at 4:23 pm
Spider, again. Yeah, thins the blood just like aspirin. Ya bleed, and the ink that's tryin' to go in just swims around instead of goin' where it's suppos'ta go.I'll tell Av ya said so about the book.
January 18th, 2011 at 5:34 am
Does drinking really thin the blood enough to cause problems for tattooing? I don't think I ever heard that.Cool about the book. Hurray!