Past, Present, and That Blurry, Vague Thing

(Before I get into my next post I wanted to remind you guys that this blog is the property of fantasy writer Avery DeBow.  I’m just a guest.  I suppose my actual existence is a matter of opinion, but I think I’m real enough, at least enough to entertain you guys for a bit. –Res)
Spider wants me to stay. That’s no real revelation. He’s made it clear he thought my leaving was a bad idea since I announced I was going to Tyne. But, last night while we were watching TV in his apartment, I think he was trying to make other things clear, too.
We’ve been friends since ninth grade, when I was new to the area and no one wanted to look at me, let alone utter a word in my direction. He was bad. So bad, he got my attention. Then, I became bad, too.
Over the next couple of years, our friendship expanded to include a few other people. First Ricketts, John-O, and Malice Alice. Later came Glory, Liz-Bet and Dino. But, we were the originators–the first, and closest. After another year or two, we closed the circle. We were happy with the eight people we hung with and thought maybe more people would disturb the ranks. But, the circle Spider and I sealed soon became irrevocably locked by the others, and external dating became nearly a taboo subject.  Even now, the others continue with their dysfunctional partner swapping. Every six months to a year, they start to pair up. Then, over the course of the next several months, the couples dissolve one-by-one until almost everyone is single and swearing off dating forever. Two months pass and the hormones kick in full force, and they start gravitating together again–Ricketts with Glory, and now Glory’s old flame, Dino, with her best friend, Alice. 
Like I said, it’s twisted.
Anyway, Spider and I never went for that. We teamed up, gluing ourselves together so no offensive moves could be made by anyone else. We had all the benefits of being a couple–companionship, snuggling, and laughing, everything but the sex. That, we got elsewhere.  But, last night, my partner of old threw me for a loop. He didn’t fall to his knees professing his love for me. It was much more subtle than that–a hint that could easily be explained away if rejection happened. It was simply, “Don’t go,” and an earnest look in those green eyes that went straight to some chord inside me, plucking it like a stretched rubber band until my entire body vibrated.
It almost happened. I almost let myself kiss him. And then I thought, “Do I love him?”
In that way?
*crickets chirping*

About Avery

I am a roller derbying, dark fantasy author. This blog chronicles my adventures in life, writing and skating. View all posts by Avery

5 responses to “Past, Present, and That Blurry, Vague Thing

  • AvDB

    RES, here:Eric1313– Sometimes it feels too late, though, like things have grown and spread out, threads spinning new threads, until events and emotions jumble in every direction, and reeling them back in and smoothing them out seems impossible. Yeah, that's probably an excuse–I was never good at unknotting my own tangles.

  • eric1313

    Hello Res. Sounds normal me, the circle of friends and lovers. Who better to date than those who we are familiar with?But it's a good thing that you found a love and stuck with them, that's not common these days, so it is to be cherished, ya know?Hope you find the answer to this one. Won't say something corny like "before it's too late" because it never is too late, that's just an excuse (except in he case of mortality, but let's not go there) that people use to let each other down.

  • AvDB

    Res, here:Charles — Definitely sucks. Maybe she was testing you in some teenage, airhead way.Walking Man — I drowned the little squealers with fresh booze from the kitchen.

  • the walking man

    Res—That's the way these things are supposed to go, first the head, then the heart, then the sex. How long did the crickets chirp before you found the words you wanted (needed?) to say?

  • Charles Gramlich

    Reminds me a bit of a situation when I was in high school. Seeing a girl all summer because my friend wanted to date her cousin and her cousin wouldn't go out with him by herself at first. at the end of the summer, this girl asked me if we could still see each other once school started. I said I wanted to and was thrilled because I'd come to like her quite a lot. Six months later she broke my heart when she broke up with me by deliberately flirting outrageously with another guy right in front of me. I would have rather let the summer end as it had than go through that.

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