Who’s Your Friend, There?


I’ve been reading Inkheart, the young people’s book by Cornelia Funke. It’s a tale about a man who can read characters out of the pages of books. The story seems to be heading in the direction that his young daughter can do this, too, and is at some point probably going to have to do it to save her dad (that’s all speculation; I’m not very far into it).

This led me to wonder just who would I want to conjure out of the pages of a book if I had the talent. Below is my short list, and the reasons for doing so:

1) Merlin. I mean, hey, it’s Merlin. How could I not want to spend some time getting to know the wizard responsible for King Arthur’s ascent to greatness? I’d have to pick two of him, though, from both The Once and Future King (fun Merlin) and The Mists of Avalon (cool, Druid Merlin).

2) Castle Rock sheriff, Alan Pangborn. That man could chill the blood of legions of partygoers with his stories. Plus, why not hang with the guy who’s seen it all? He’s got to have nerves of steel by now.

3) Hamlet. Although I’m sure I’d regret almost immediately. “Jeez, would you just shut up for two seconds, Hamlet? Just two? No? Oh, okay. Then just do it! Just go kill yourself, already.”

4) Elphaba from Gregory MacGuire’s Wicked. That much attitude shouldn’t be restricted to the pages of a book.

5) Aragorn, but only if I could read him out of the book earlier than when the book started, when he was a Ranger. I want to know what all that was about, how one became a Ranger and what the job entailed. I’m fairly certain it wasn’t checking fishing licenses and stopping people from getting their freak on in the woods.

6) Jules, the Fat White Vampire of Andrew Fox. He’s a vampire — cool. He’s also morbidly obese (aiding in my ability to run away) and doesn’t like the taste of blood from people outside New Orleans. So, the whole meet-the-vampire-but-don’t-get-eaten thing is a lot easier with him.

7) Rumpelstiltskin. It’s a old, childhood thing.

I’m tempted to list some of the Big Bads like Pennywise, Voldemort, or Randall Flagg (The Walkin’ Dude), but, they’d smear me all over the wall before I’d get my chance to play twenty questions. They’re better off where they are. And so am I.

Now for the list of who I don’t want to come out, ever:

1) Laurell Hamilton’s Anita Blake. That woman has magic-related issues where she just has to have sex with whoever is at hand. Don’t want to be standing there when it’s just me and some Quasimodo pizza guy.

2) Hannibal Lecter. I really don’t think I need to explain. I think I’ll chuck Buffalo Bill/Jame Gumb in there for good measure, too.

3) Carrie’s mother. She’s not the one with the telekinetic power, I know, but she’s waaay scarier in her own right. You just can’t reason with people like that.

4) Dracula. For all the opposite reasons of wanting to meet Jules Duchon (above).

5) Any of Poppy Z. Brite’s characters. I’ve seen enough goths, thanks, and Chartreuse is totally overrated.

What about you? What character would you dare draw from the pages of your favorite text? For fun’s sake, I’ll also allow movies, TV shows and video games.

Since we’re doing that, I’d like to add Sidney Bristow and Julian Sark from Alias. They’d be my own private Rock’em Sock’em Robots.

About Avery

I am a roller derbying, dark fantasy author. This blog chronicles my adventures in life, writing and skating. View all posts by Avery

10 responses to “Who’s Your Friend, There?

  • Stewart Sternberg

    Interesting list. Characters who can be read out of a book…where’s that porno collection?

  • avery

    Sqt — Steal away. Jay — Yeah, it’s fun to read about someone who launches into monologues and constantly makes asides, but it’s a whole different ballgame when they’re yammering away at the blank television in your living room (’cause that’s what I think he’d be doing).

  • Jay

    Hmm, good questions.The Hamlet comment made me laugh. Poor Hamlet.

  • SQT

    Oh this is fun. I may have to steal it for my blog. I especially like the one’s you don’t want to meet. That sounds like a fun list to make. I totally agree on Sydney Bristow, she drives me bonkers.

  • avery

    Spy — Sorry I left you out of the above. Jean something, isn’t it? I keep wanting to say Jean Luc, but I think that’s Captain Picard’s name.

  • avery

    Kate — Harry would be fun, but, yeah, be prepared for trouble. Charles — I’ve never read any Louis L’Amour novels. Are you conjuring gunslingers?Karen — Thanks for stopping by. Aragorn is very noble, but I’m just too curious about that whole ranger deal to leave it alone.

  • Karen

    Oh I like this one! The Fool from the Robin Hobb Farseer Books, Takeshi Kovacs from Altered Carbon and Greg Mandel from Mindstar Rising. Aragorn well he’s just a bit too noble really

  • Charles Gramlich

    Great post. Hard to answer, because there are so many. Flandry of Terra from Poul Anderson’s series. Travis McGee from John D. MacDonald, and Ryan Tyler from Louis L’Amour. Any of L’Amour’s Sackett family. Many more. But I’m with you on the villains. Leave Pinhead and his ilk where they are.

  • spyscribbler

    Oooh … I want Anita’s vampire (how could I forget his name?) to come out of the pages. Major crush on him, here!Oh WAIT! I take it back. I want Ranger. Stephanie Plum, I’m sorry, but Ranger is ALL MINE!

  • Kate S

    Oh, how fun!I’m not sure yet… would have to think some more, but one of the first names that came up was Professor Severus Snape. (What can I say, I have a thing about guys with black hair and big noses. *grin*)I think Harry Dresden would be fun to hang around with, too, and I’d buy him dinner (the guy’s always starving.) But then again, awful things seem to follow him closely, so I’m not sure I’d want to be in the vicinity.Must go ponder some more… when I was a little girl, I wanted to hang out with Pippi Longstocking and Laura Ingalls, but doubt they’d be as much fun now.🙂

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