I’ve been reading Inkheart, the young people’s book by Cornelia Funke. It’s a tale about a man who can read characters out of the pages of books. The story seems to be heading in the direction that his young daughter can do this, too, and is at some point probably going to have to do it to save her dad (that’s all speculation; I’m not very far into it).
This led me to wonder just who would I want to conjure out of the pages of a book if I had the talent. Below is my short list, and the reasons for doing so:
1) Merlin. I mean, hey, it’s Merlin. How could I not want to spend some time getting to know the wizard responsible for King Arthur’s ascent to greatness? I’d have to pick two of him, though, from both The Once and Future King (fun Merlin) and The Mists of Avalon (cool, Druid Merlin).
2) Castle Rock sheriff, Alan Pangborn. That man could chill the blood of legions of partygoers with his stories. Plus, why not hang with the guy who’s seen it all? He’s got to have nerves of steel by now.
3) Hamlet. Although I’m sure I’d regret almost immediately. “Jeez, would you just shut up for two seconds, Hamlet? Just two? No? Oh, okay. Then just do it! Just go kill yourself, already.”
4) Elphaba from Gregory MacGuire’s Wicked. That much attitude shouldn’t be restricted to the pages of a book.
5) Aragorn, but only if I could read him out of the book earlier than when the book started, when he was a Ranger. I want to know what all that was about, how one became a Ranger and what the job entailed. I’m fairly certain it wasn’t checking fishing licenses and stopping people from getting their freak on in the woods.
6) Jules, the Fat White Vampire of Andrew Fox. He’s a vampire — cool. He’s also morbidly obese (aiding in my ability to run away) and doesn’t like the taste of blood from people outside New Orleans. So, the whole meet-the-vampire-but-don’t-get-eaten thing is a lot easier with him.
7) Rumpelstiltskin. It’s a old, childhood thing.
I’m tempted to list some of the Big Bads like Pennywise, Voldemort, or Randall Flagg (The Walkin’ Dude), but, they’d smear me all over the wall before I’d get my chance to play twenty questions. They’re better off where they are. And so am I.
Now for the list of who I don’t want to come out, ever:
1) Laurell Hamilton’s Anita Blake. That woman has magic-related issues where she just has to have sex with whoever is at hand. Don’t want to be standing there when it’s just me and some Quasimodo pizza guy.
2) Hannibal Lecter. I really don’t think I need to explain. I think I’ll chuck Buffalo Bill/Jame Gumb in there for good measure, too.
3) Carrie’s mother. She’s not the one with the telekinetic power, I know, but she’s waaay scarier in her own right. You just can’t reason with people like that.
4) Dracula. For all the opposite reasons of wanting to meet Jules Duchon (above).
5) Any of Poppy Z. Brite’s characters. I’ve seen enough goths, thanks, and Chartreuse is totally overrated.
What about you? What character would you dare draw from the pages of your favorite text? For fun’s sake, I’ll also allow movies, TV shows and video games.
Since we’re doing that, I’d like to add Sidney Bristow and Julian Sark from Alias. They’d be my own private Rock’em Sock’em Robots.